AKA A Crossover no One Really Asked for
by Cobalt-Canary
Summary: "Jessica Jones meet-" "Yah, we don't need a role call." "Oh, I can already tell, she's gonna be a blast."
1. AKA We Don't Need a Role Call

**So it's official: this cold has driven me to stir-craziness. I just wanted a way to relax, and surprise! studying for finals isn't helping at all, so instead this story was born. I've been pretty obsessed with Jessica Jones lately, so what's the natural thing I do after? Look for Jessica Jones and Arrow cross over fiction, of course! But that didn't work out, so here we are. Now you didn't click on this story to here me ramble on, after all you have to deal with that at the end anyways, so let's get to the good stuff!**

 **Don't own Arrow or Jessica Jones!**

* * *

"Felicity what did you get me into?" Oliver whined while Felicity finishing with his tie.

"Well I just thought since QC has hit the record low in PR we could use some help."

"But a talk show host?"

"Not just a talk show host, the talk show host. Trish Talk is a big deal, what ever Trish Walker talks about instantly becomes a sensation."

"I don't know I think she's just a big deal because she used to the that, Patty character."

"It's Patsy…" Felicity corrected as two women entered the QC's main office.

The dark haired girl dryly muttered, "Look at that Trish, they know the stupid theme song."

"It's a really catchy song," Felicity said.

"Are you a fan?" The blonde asked.

"Not really I just saw a few episodes…"

"Oh, good you have taste." To which the blonde elbowed her companion.

"I assume she's Jessica." Felicity was referring to the dark haired girl.

"Yup, I'm easy to identify just listen for the sarcasm or brutal honesty."

Felicity started with the formal introduction, "Jessica Jones meet-"

"Yah, we don't need a role call." Jessica cut her off.

"Be nice," Trish warned.

"Ok, fine, we need to do the role call?" Jessica pointed to Oliver, "Oliver Queen or as I'll be calling him, Fratboy. A billionaire playboy, survived the Gambit, somehow has a whole harem of women waiting for him, those poor, poor girls. Arch enemy: responsibility." Now pointing to Felicity, "Felicity Smoak graduate of MIT class of '09, worked in the IT department here, and by worked I mean basically ran the IT department, current secretary and the real brains behind this whole operation. Not to mention wears the pants in their relationship and currently lowering her standards by trying to get in Fratboy's pants."

Oliver's mouth was hanging open and Felicity was slightly red, while Trish was currently in her default position when Jessica was being Jessica: a facepalm.

Jessica pointed to Trish, "Trish Walker your lord and savoir," and then she pointed to herself, "Jessica Jones, AKA the person you don't piss off if you want Miss Walker's help," and ended the diagnostic with a satisfied smirk.

"Oh, I can already tell, she's gonna be a blast." Felicity smiled.

\- x -

"Hey Blondie, you done talking? 'Cause I'd like some lousy service!" the dark haired woman who was sitting by the Verdant's bar asked.

Sara rolled her eyes before walking over to her, "I'm guessing you're Jessica. What can I get you?"

"What ever you think I'll like."

A glass of whiskey was quickly gulped down, "Good guess. So how'd you know my name?"

"A friend called in and alerted me you'd be coming, said you had quite the mouth on you."

"Damn it, I told Trish I didn't need a babysitter."

Sara joked, "Don't worry I Sara Lance know CPR and only charge five bucks an hour."

"How about another drink?"

Another glass of whisky was quickly gulped down, "I've never seen someone drink it like water before."

"It's a gift really. Can you make the next one a double?"

Another glass was poured, but Sara held off on the double part worried Jessica would pass out soon, "That's a lot of alcohol."

"I asked for a drink, not an opinion."

'Well Felicity did say a lot of sass…' Noticing most people were leaving Sara figured some small talk wouldn't hurt anyone, "So, what brings you to Starling?"

"Not, much my nagging and paranoid sister I guess."

"I know what that's like, but she's important to you right? After all you wouldn't be here if she wasn't."

"It's not like I had any plans, business is a little slow lately. Can I get another?"

"What kind of business?" Sara asked before serving her and then another guy, thankfully he was a regular and he liked a simple glass of gin.

"Why does every bartender I talk ask for my life biography?"

"Maybe it's your warm and fuzzy personality?"

"I'm a P.I., and please don't ask to sleep with me next, because I can only take so much de ja vu at once."

"I typically like a bit more romancing…"

"Don't we all?"

"So a P.I. interesting…"

"What don't believe me?"

"Would you believe I'm a vigilante and my team's base is right under your feet?"

"No, because I'm not an idiot. You're jaw doesn't match The Canary's."

'I guess Laurel owes me five bucks.' Sara mused before responding, "I guess seeing is believing."

"Ok, fine," Jessica stopped drinking her whisky and started tracing the rim of the cup, "You feel distanced from everyone, you've seen things that changed you, and you're afraid your family well see that, afraid they'd never see you in the same light. But at the same time you want them to stop treating you like the shadow of the past because your not that innocent girl anymore, you don't need to be sheltered, you're tired of everyone treating you like someone else. You only roll with everything now because you're afraid if they see you, the real you, you'll lose them forever. To you that's the only thing worse then the real you never being acknowledged, to lose the few people you actually care about." But Jessica wasn't sure if she was still talking about Sara, "It's all in the eyes."

"You had me believing you until you said that very cliché line." Sara said trying to shake that analysis out of her head.

Jessica paused before defensively saying, "That's probably the most poetic thing I've ever said.

"You should probably stick to P.I. work then."

Another eye roll, "Can you-"

"-get me another? It's like your catch phrase or something." Sara said before handing her another drink, this time around the alcohol was less then half of what she should have served her, though Jessica didn't seem to notice. After all what kind of babysitter would let the baby pass out from too much alcohol?

Jessica downed another cup and was about to ask for another, but someone else caught Sara's attention, "What's up boss?"

Thea smiled, "It looks like things are slowing down if you want to call it a night."

It was a good thing she already finished her drink, because Jessica would have done a spit take if she didn't, "This half-pint is your boss?"

"You know I can cut you off right?" Thea said with a smug smirk.

"Are you even old enough to drink?"

"No."

"Oh, you poor child."

"I'm nineteen!"

Jessica held up her glass, Sara poured another, but there wasn't enough alcohol in it to even call it whisky anymore, "Could have fooled me."

"You'll be jealous of that some day, you wrinkly old hag," Thea said with satisfaction before leaving the bar to tend to the DJ.

When Thea was out of ear shot Jessica commented, "She's got bite, I like her."

"You know that's Oliver's sister right?"

"That poor, poor child. How can genetics even curse us like that?"

Sara was cleaning a couple of cups, "That's a question Laurel and I have been asking for years."

"Hey, get your hands off me!" Thea screamed.

Several drunk guys all surrounded Thea, "Now, now we just want a little fun," Thea guessed this was the leader of the morons.

Jessica simply walked up to the one shooting his mouth off and tapped him on his shoulder, "Hey shithead, over here," and then punched him square in the jaw, which knocked the wind out of him. The other guys were a little stunned, while Thea took this time to duck under the bar.

One brave, or the more accurate term would be stupid soul pulled out a gun, "Now look here lady, I don't want to shoot you but-"

However a knife knocked the gun out of his hand, "Last chance, leave." The Canary calmly stated a bō in her hand itching for some action.

The smart ones took this as a sign to hightail it, so none of them left. Which was a real shame too, since if they ran they wouldn't have had their butts handed to them in less then ten seconds. In fact, Thea even managed to knock one of them out by throwing a glass bottle at his head. However there was one standout idiot, as he somehow grabbed the gun at pointed in at Jessica, "Drop the weapon or I'll shoot her!" her was directing the demand at the Canary.

Jessica rolled her eyes and walked over to the nearest metal chair, picked in up, and twisted it around like a paperclip, "Oh, shit!" he screamed now shaking with dread.

"Do you really want to test me? Or do I have to melt you with my laser eyes?"

Luckily he wasn't that stupid as he held up his hands, "I surrender!" In all of the excitement no one particularly noticed the other three who entered the room.

"Ok, so that happened…" Felicity, Oliver, and Thea all mumbled.

"I can't take you anywhere," the women with her arms crossed sighed.

"And yet you insist I come with you anyways." Jessica noted.

"I'd just like to thank you for saving my little sister," Oliver said.

"Wow, Fratboy knows what gratitude is, I'm impressed."

"Looks like you're childhood name still haunts you Ollie," The Canary noted.

Jessica stared for a few seconds at the Canary, "Aren't you the bar tender?"

"I told you, you need better disguises!" Felicity exclaimed.

* * *

 **I just want to clarify I few things before I say goodbye. As for the setting, it's AU towards the ending of season 2, as in Sara didn't leave with the League and Thea didn't leave with Malcolm because Oliver told her he was the Arrow. This story is just a bunch on one-shots that aren't really in any particular order. Plus these will be on the shorter side so updates will be faster then my other story I'm currently working on. This story isn't connected at all with Rebirth for simplicity's sake.**

 **Also I'll be happy to accept any requests or prompts for future chapters.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **12/29/15**


	2. AKA You Dated that Asshole?

**Prompts are welcomed for future chapters.**

 **I don't own Jessica Jones or Arrow.**

* * *

"I'll be damned, your base really was under my feet." Jessica noted while sitting on one of the computer tables.

The Foundry was fairly empty, if you counted four people occupying a room fairly empty at least. Felicity sat in her chair typing away at the computer while Trish was standing next to Jessica, her eyes elsewhere. "So what is that?" Trish asked pointing to a strange contraption on hanging from the ceiling.

Felicity followed Trish's finger to the salmon ladder and sighed, "Just something that distracts me from my work."

"But only when Ollie uses it," Sara nonchalantly stated while continuing to rhythmically strike the punching dummy.

The sound of footsteps on the staircase echoed down, at the end of it Oliver and Diggle entered. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear." Jessica remarked.

"I think she means you," Diggle said.

Trish looked around, "So what's this place called?"

Oliver rattled off, "Well it doesn't really have a name since it's supposed to be a secret layer so no name to publicize it was really necessary." Oliver noted the amount of people in the room, "Though I'm questioning how successful that strategy was."

"I've been calling it the Arrow Cave." Felicity stated.

"Me too." Diggle agreed.

"That's a stupid name. It doesn't make any sense, I mean arrows don't live in caves." Jessica noted.

"You have a point." Felicity said.

Oliver rolled his eyes, "You should have consulted me first."

Jessica dryly stated, "Face it Fratboy she's the brains of this operation, you're just here for the eye-candy."

"Plus, I feel like you're infringing on someone else's naming rights…" Trish mused.

Somewhere in Gotham a dark knight sneezed.

"Oh, I got it! How about The Quiver?" Sara asked.

"I like it!" Felicity cheered, "All in favor?"

Everyone raised their hands except Oliver.

Jessica asked, "What's the matter Fratboy?"

"It's not bad actually, but-"

Trish exclaimed, "You heard it he approved!"

"It'd still be official even with out his approval…" Jessica muttered.

"I think I'll make T-shirts." Diggle announced.

"Whose side are you on?" Oliver asked in an exasperated tone.

"The winning one." To which Felicity and Sara high-fived and Diggle and Trish high-fived.

Oliver starting walking up the stairs, "Where are you going?" Felicity asked.

"Home. There's too many girls in here…"

"I think he just can't handle a democracy." Diggle noted, to which everyone nodding in agreement.

\- x -

Felicity was really regretting this girls' night as Trish put it. Even Jessica came, probably because Trish made her, something about not being socially inept for the rest of her life? Thea, however, was lucky and managed to escape it by saying she had a date with Roy. But she did like the idea of having girls' night in the Quiver just to piss Oliver off, in fact that was probably the winning motivation Sara needed to get her big sister to come.

"So let me get this straight…" points to Laurel, "You dated that asshole?"

"It's not my finest hour…"

Sara raised en eyebrow, "Don't you mean years?"

Jessica now pointed at Sara, "But you slept with him while they were dating and after six years of supposedly being dead."

"Not my best decision…"

Pointing now at Trish, "Plus you…"

"It was my mother's idea!"

"…I seriously need a mother of the year award to bludgeon her with…" Jessica continued, "not to mention he got into the pants of several other girls, and yet," now pointing to Felicity, "you want to sleep with him." Felicity started nervously stammering protests while Jessica asked, "So what is it about this guy? Is his dick magically enchanted to bless you with immortality? 'Cause seriously that's the only logical explanation a can think of."

Everyone else didn't dare comment, "Or maybe he has some sort of pheromone that attracts you all to him, I'm just glad I'm immune."

"I don't want his… um… you know…" Felicity trailed off.

"Jesus, she's innocent. We need to fix this!" everyone stared so Jessica corrected herself, "the wanting the magical penis, not the innocents." Everyone murmured in agreement.

"What's wrong with love?" Trish asked.

Jessica answered, "Let's see, the last guy I slept with was brainwashed into trying to kill me, and the last guy you slept with tried to kill me… notice a pattern?"

Laurel piped in, "Sara, I feel like we have a similar pattern… is this a side affect of Oliver's magical dick?"

Sara laughed, "Hopefully not."

Trish suggested, "If you like archers, how about Hawkeye?"

"It'd be an upgrade: from a knock off to the original." Jessica reasoned.

"You should do that just to piss Oliver off," Sara said and then paused for a moment, "well more then normal at least."

Felicity shook her head, "No offense, but archers are more your type."

"Actually, it's archers with anger issues," Laurel noted.

Sara warned her sister, "Nyssa would kill you for putting her in the same group as Oliver. Plus you can't really talk; after all, you type is rich playboys/bad boys dad would arrest in a heartbeat. Maybe, you should go after Tony Stark next."

"No!" Laurel shifted the focus to Felicity, "What about Captain America?"

"The Flagwaver? I could see it, goody-two-shoes blondes, yah, it could work." Jessica agreed.

"What about Dr. Banner?" Trish suggested.

"Oh, yah, then they could geek out with their nerd talk!" Sara exclaimed.

Jessica asked, "Can I make nominate Thor? Goldilocks would maker better eye candy."

"You people are worse than my mother…" Felicity muttered.

* * *

 **Ok before I go I've got two questions. One: should the Avengers cross over later? Two: should Felicity hook up with one of them and who? Or should this be minor Olicity? I'm very neutral on 95% of the ships.**

 **Thanks for reading, please review!**

 **12/30/15**


	3. AKA Queens of Snark

**Prompts are welcomed for future chapters.**

 **I don't own Jessica Jones or Arrow.**

* * *

The morning was slow after girls' night and Jessica was bored, oh, so very bored. She envied Laurel who left early because of work. Although the whole show don't tell rule is being broken, the author would like to compensate that by reasoning the rubber band ball Jessica made out of over a hundred of rubber bands made the statement clearly evident. In fact Jessica was testing it's bouncing capabilities by tossing it off Felicity's computer monitor.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY WOMAN?" Felicity was doing her best to give an intimidating glare, so in other words: completely failing at it.

"Well, I just wanted to take this baby out for a test drive," Jessica was referring to the rubber band ball while nonchalantly continuing to bounce it off the monitor.

Felicity folded her arms, "But why against my baby?" Felicity was hugging her monitor, "Mommy's sorry. Is this what you'd normally do to babies?"

"If you mean do I normally bounce one baby off another baby to test how bouncy it is and to relieve my boredom? Then no, that's not something I'd typically do."

 _Clang. Clang. Clang._

If Felicity had laser eyes she would have used them to melt Jessica right then and there, luckily for Jess there was other business to drag her into, "Ok, seriously what is that sound?"

The two at the computer looked up to see Sara hopping down from the salmon ladder, "So… you do that every day?" Trish stuttered.

Sara pulled her shirt over her sports bra before answering, "Yah, why? Do you want to try?"

"No, thanks…" then an idea popped in Trish's head, "Hey, Jess you wanna try?"

Jessica sighed like a kid on the first day of school, "Do I have to?"

Trish just looked at her, "Fine."

The raven-haired girl walked over to Trish and Sara, "So I just take that and jump?"

Sara handed her the poll, "Sort of, there a bit more-"

However Jessica wasn't listening and tried her attempt at it… only to somehow bring the entire salmon ladder down… the narrator has no idea how that happened by the way. Felicity's mouth gaped open.

"I can get you a new one," Trish offered.

Sara also offered, "I'll help clean it up."

Sheepishly Jessica muttered, "Shit. Didn't mean to do that."

Felicity managed to move passed the stunned stage and straight to the furious stage, "I need a restraining order…"

\- x -

For some stupid reason, Trish declared girls' night was now extended to girls' day, a decision Felicity protested, since she already was grilled on her love life and her favorite toys were damaged. Jessica also rolled her eyes to the idea but caved when Trish gave her the puppy dog eyes. Felicity noted Jessica caved quickly to those eyes, not that she'd ever tell her that, she did value her own life after all. Sara on the other hand just went with the flow and didn't protest.

"What are we even doing here?" Jessica asked/moaned.

Trish just smiled and happily declared, "We're at a mall, what do you think we're doing here?"

"Please say TPing the place… Please say TPing the place… Please say TPing the place…" Jessica said in mock enthusiasm.

Jessica received a strange glance from Trish, "You know I hate shopping," Jessica muttered, Sara nodded her head in agreement.

"Ok, fine you two can go do something else. Felicity where do you want to go first?" Trish asked.

Unsurprisingly Felicity answered, "If you don't mind can we head to the tech store? I suddenly need to buy a new computer monitor," Felicity not so discretely glared at Jessica as she said the last sentence.

The sunnier half of the group left the gloomier half alone, "So, I don't suppose you have a better idea?" Jessica asked Sara.

Sara had a glint in her eye that somewhat frightened Jessica, though she'd never admit it, "As a matter of fact…"

"It's official, if I want girl time, you're the girl to hang out with." Jessica declared.

A smirk formed on Sara's lips, "It's always nice to have a partner in crime."

The two were hiding in the under the Quiver's staircase, however they had some time to kill before the show started.

Sara decided to go straight for the elephant in the room, "The other night, when we first met, you were talking about yourself, weren't you?"

Jessica blinked, "Wow, there's no beating around the bush with you."

"Yup, I'm pretty direct."

"Yes and no. At first I was defiantly describing you, but towards the middle there, I think I trailed off and started talking to myself." Maybe it was the fifth bottle of whisky talking, but Jessica found it pretty easy to talk to Sara and open up. She couldn't really remember the last person she felt like that besides Trish and maybe Luke. "How'd you know?"

Sara cheekily answered, "I can see it in your eyes?"

"I thought you said that was a very cliché line."

Another smirk, "Not when I say it, I make the delivery work."

"Oh, so now you're insulting my snarking abilities?"

Sara shrugged, "Maybe."

Jessica declared, "No way, I am the Queen of Snark! Queen I tell you!"

"Only because no one's challenged you for your crown."

"So does that mean you're challenging me? I won't give the crown up easily, royalty has to defend their honor."

Sara quickly replied, "Well you are right, you are royalty, a royal pain." Sara smirked at Jessica's annoyed face.

"Ouch, that almost had some bite."

Sara retorted, "Just wanted you to hear how lowly your sarcasm sounded."

Not willing to give up the battle that easily Jessica continued, "Wow, that was so brilliant it looped all the way back to being stupid."

"Grasping at straws I see, running out of material?"

"Nope! I've got plenty in fact I have so much I'm you have some of my rejected work."

Sara retorted, "Yah, but by time I'm done with them they sound awesome and went through _so_ much improvement."

Jessica used mock shock, "Impossible, they're already amazing."

"Only in your eyes, since you're only used to second rate work."

"You mean like yours?"

The blonde replied, "Only if I multiplied them by negative infinity."

"I'd say more, but if I do the sarcasm meter would break." Jessica answered.

"It doesn't matter I broke it at the start of this conversation."

Jessica replied, "By that logic I broke it just by being in this conversation."

"This is going to go on forever isn't it?" Sara asked.

"Scared you can't keep it up?"

"No, I was worried for your sake."

"Ok, fine: we're both queens."

"I can live with that." Sara smiled, "What's my coronation prize?"

"The joy of sharing the title with yours truly?" Jessica offered.

Sara just looked at her in mock disappointment, "Ok, how about team-up priority against anyone else in the next snark-off?"

"Deal. We'll drive them crazy."

"That's the plan." Jessica answered.

"Oh, speaking of driving someone crazy, here he comes." Sara shushed while Jessica prepped the camera.

Frantic footsteps raced down the stairs.

"SARA! JESSICA!" Oliver screamed.

Oliver Queen was shirtless, with several black sharpie notes drawn all over him, most saying things like: "I'm an asshole. Bow down to me bitches. Jessica Jones is smarter than me… even though 99% of the population is too. Sara Lance is also smarter than me, but I already knew that." A couple of arrows were pointed to certain scars with notes attached to them: "I got this one while running down the hall with scissors."

Not to mention his hair was died pink, his face had clown makeup, and for the finishing touches he wasn't wearing pants, instead he was stuck in a hot pink and very sparkly tutu.

"Who do you think you are?"

"The Queens of Snark." They both answered as Jessica snapped a photo.

* * *

 **So I was planning to upload this tomorrow but I saw this was Caity Lotz's birthday so I updated in honor of that. Though I'm cutting it close so it might be a few minutes late… oops?**

 **Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **12/30/15**


	4. AKA Taxes are Evil

**Prompts are welcome for future chapters.**

 **I own nothing!**

* * *

Considering the last time Jessica Jones was in Verdant, Thea made a wise decision by closing the club down for one night when Jessica came again for some drinks. The result? Some very pissed off drunk kids, but what else was new? The result of the result? The Arrow, Arsenal (the name Roy drew out of a hat), and the Canary all made some guest appearances and Trish Walker came to personally babysit her sister/best friend… which started a party of some kind.

And like all parties the topic of the conversation where riveting…

"Are you serious? You don't wear a mask?" Thea asked.

"Why? It's not like it's very effective." Jessica answered.

Oliver and Sara sheepishly looked away. Roy, however, jumped into the conversation, "But don't you have a secret identity?"

"Nope, just Jessica Jones… she's a handful as it is, could you imagine if I had to be someone else on top of that?" Jessica made a valid point.

Laurel added to Thea's argument, "But isn't supper strength a big giveaway?"

"The thing is, people like to feel safe, even though the Flagwaver's group is public knowledge, people aren't really ready to accept what they can't explain. Which doesn't leave them with a lot really…" Jessica explained.

Trish asked, "But I still think you'd rock that…"

"No, we are not speaking of that. If I wore that, I'd be a very slutty stripper. Plus, I've already proved a costume is more trouble than it's worth." Jessica reasoned.

Oliver raised an eyebrow, "What, Fratboy?"

A few minutes later Oliver returned in the full Arrow garb, Jessica walled straight up to him, both facing everyone else in the group. Jessica smirked, "Ok, my lovely … or what ever he is… assistant (emphasis on the first syllable) and I will demo the pros and cons of a superhero costume. Mostly, the cons."

Before Jessica started Oliver rolled his eyes, "Ok, but don't wreck the suit. I just got it washed."

"Don't worry Fratboy, nothing could make it worse," Jessica patted him on the back, out of pity, before continuing, "While the sight of a grown man in tights is hilarious, it's also kind of disturbing… Your mask doesn't cover much of your face," Jessica pulled the hood down with no effort, "New problem: you can't see!"

The hood and mask were removed, "Not to mention the grease paint rings make you look like that angry cat on the internet, while the rest of that getup… makes you look like Peter Pan."

Oliver's jaw clenched, "Why am I the only one ridiculed?"

"Because, Red is actually a cool color," Roy fist bumped at the comment, "and Sara's wig is blonde, no one is dumb enough or smart enough to realize a blonde woman would wear a blonde wig… the media probably thinks she's some wannabe blond."

Felicity's eyes moved away from Jessica.

\- x -

Felicity, Diggle, Laurel joined a while later after the fashion show, because as Jessica put it, "The more people the better… to keep Fratboy in check."

The circle of people went: Diggle, Oliver, Roy, Thea, Laurel, Sara, Felicity, Jessica, and Trish. While the order may not be significant to most, it was yet another precaution. Jessica was sandwiched in between the two people who could put a leash on her… not that she'd _ever_ admit that. Even though they were just playing some party games, precautions were demanded… and ultimately, pointless.

"Ok, so since you're new to this I'll give you the cliff notes," Thea pointed to Felicity, "card counter," then to Diggle, "really bad card counter," now pointing at Oliver, "always loses," points to Roy, Laurel, Sara, and herself, "reason why he always loses."

Oliver explained, "They all work together to stack the deck against me…"

"I like this system!" Jessica declared.

Since "Truth or Dare" and "Never have I Ever" were too hazardous for Oliver's health and pride, Felicity suggested a game of Apples to Apples. It was the only game that Oliver couldn't see anyway he could be ridiculed… oh, how he lacked imagination and a full understanding of the kind of people he was dealing with.

 _The narrator would like to break off from the story for an advanced apology: please don't take any offense to any of the following jokes, mainly the political ones… don't worry, there are no religious or racists ones (didn't want to step in that minefield)…well there is one joke about North Korea…, please, please, please don't take any offense: especially if you're a Republican. This is all for the sake of humor and has no malice behind it. However, if you do somehow take offense to this… sorry! You can also blame the author's friends, because these are personal experiences she witnessed while playing Apples to Apples with those nut jobs…_

 _P.S. if you can imagine that last paragraph with the same speed and voice of the "warning side effects may include…" parts of a medical drug's commercial, that would be great!_

"Who goes first?" Felicity asked.

"I think it's shortest person first…" Laurel answered.

Everyone looked at Thea who muttered, "I'm average height for women… Curse all you tall people…"

Thea quickly dealt everyone five red cards and pulled a green card from the deck, "The category is: Horrifying."

Everyone quickly picked a card and tossed onto the green card, "Ok. We got: bachelor party (Laurel), family reunions (Sara), spam (Felicity), running out of toilet paper (Jessica), dieting (Trish), fast food (Diggle), a bad hair cut (Oliver), and cleaning the bathroom (Roy)."

Tossing all of the cards into the discard pile Thea declared fast food as the winner and handed the green card to Diggle.

Laurel drew the next green card, "Boring."

Thea handed in teachers, Felicity high school reunions, Jessica biting your tongue (that explains a lot), Trish's was mid life crises, Diggle for some reason went with an armed robbery, Oliver's was reading a book (some things you just can't change in a frat boy…), but the most surprising was Roy's: the end of the world.

"Twilight wins… wow, there's a sentence you'd never though you'd hear." Laurel announced.

Sara happily collected the green card and drew another, "Twisted, this should leave quite a few options."

Red cards quickly flew in and Sara quickly scanned through them, "Who's family is twisted?"

Thea raised her hand, "Let's see the only living family members right now: Merlyn and Oliver, both are self explanatory."

Everyone stared and muttered, "Genetics have cursed you, you poor, poor girl," Well, everyone but Oliver who was still processing he was lumped into the same category as Merlyn… you know that mad man who destroyed half of the city?

"Junk mail… I can sort of see that…" Felicity smiled.

"Wow, there's some competition. Paying taxes…"

Roy muttered, "Taxes are evil," everyone agreed.

"…infomercials…" Sara knowingly stared at Oliver who shrugged.

"I think it's down to boy bands, Justin Beiber, and Facebook… but I don't think Face book can compete with these two," Sara tossed the card out as Trish sighed, "I think Justin Beiber wins." Diggle smiled.

But before she gave Diggle the card Sara asked, "Just one question: who put camping trips?"

Laurel raised her hand, "Really? But the one's with dad are really fun."

"I meant the ones with Oliver." Laurel clarified.

Sara stared and blankly stated, "Laurel wins."

Laurel smugly received her card while Trish whispered to Sara, "What's so bad…"

"You don't even want to know…"

Felicity grabbed the next green card, "Normal."

Everyone's cards were in a messy pile on top of the green card, which Felicity stacked into a nice neat pile before reading, "WHAT KIND OF LIVES DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE? Secrets? A car crash? Getting tasered? Festering wounds? Blood? FUNNERALS? Oh, I know unemployment was you Oliver."

Oliver sighed.

"Everyone kept secrets within secrets, I needed a score bored to tally them all when Oliver finally let all of the cats out of the bag… and the cats with in the cats." Thea explained.

Trish raised her hand, "Sadly, I get tased a lot."

"Been in at least two car crashes… one I wasn't in a car for…" Jessica trailed off.

Diggle crossed his arms, "What happens in Afghanistan, stays in Afghanistan… but I can say there were a lot of wounds."

"I live in the Glades… blood is as common as water…" Roy stated the obvious fact, "That, and Sebastian's name is still graffitied everywhere… 'Blood for mayor!' is literally the first thing I see every morning…"

Sara shrugged, "Does anyone know how many times I've died?" Everyone shook their heads.

"Ok, Laurel computers win." But everyone else felt like it was a copout.

Laurel happily accepted the green card while Jessica pulled out another, "Useless… wow, can I use this card? Or Fratboy?" Oliver scuffed at Jessica's comment.

Jessica scanned through the cards she received from everyone else and figured out everyone's pretty quickly, "Yah, witch hunts are pretty useless Thea, same with telemarketers Sara, super models Felicity, Monster High Trish, vampires Diggle, and musicals Fratboy. Don't get used to me praising you Fratboy. But I think it comes down to George W. Bush and Republicans, good thing Trump doesn't have a card or this would be a _real_ conundrum… I guess Republicans wins, since it technically includes both of humanity's greatest embarrassments."

Roy excitedly collected his prize while Trish drew the next green card, "Imaginary."

After collecting everyone's card Trish asked for explanations.

"Well I dated the asshole so Prince Charming seems pretty farfetched." Laurel answered.

Thea explained, "I know I'm in a room with someone with super strength, my boyfriend, brother, and close friend/employee are all vigilantes but I'm going to deny it as much as possible… My sanity needs it… I also see the paradox in that sentence, but I said my sanity was on the fritz."

"Brains are imaginary with some people… most people." Sara commented.

Felicity honestly asked, "Who actually runs the entire marathon?" Jessica, Sara, and Oliver all answered, "I can… if I bothered to do that shit." Jessica was a little scared she and Oliver was momentarily on the same wavelength. Oliver seemed to have a similar thought.

"When was the last time I took a vacation?" Diggle asked, no one could recall.

"I don't have a diary." Oliver simply stated.

Thea asked, "What about that book dad gave you?"

"That's not a dairy."

"What about that book I found under you bed, it said-"

Oliver covered his sister's mouth and quickly stated, "I withdraw my card."

Thea licked his hand, "Eww…" he muttered.

"Grow up." Thea replied and then asked, "When was the last time you washed your…" Thea didn't finish and ran to the bathroom… presumably to hurl.

Trish nodded, "Well I guess who ever put underwear wins, just out of humor." However, Roy was too embarrassed to own up to it, since it wasn't just out of humor. Roy Harper admits nothing.

"Ok then… I guess my love life wins."

Jessica collected the card and shushed Trish before the blonde could comment. Thea also returned, a little paler than usual though.

Diggle pulled out a card and smirked, "Sexy, this should be good." 'Come on, OTP!'

Thea handed in leather, Laurel handed in handcuffs (she didn't mean to imply anything, it was that or a rock… she should have gone with a rock), Sara's was Las Vegas, Trish burned her meat sweats card, and Roy used my body… no one disagreed. Jessica used the wild card to say: whisky (she originally said the magical dick, but Trish made her change it… because it sounded like Jessica wanted the magical dick instead of mocking it, Jessica changed it out of horror and new trauma).

"My boss…" Everyone stared at a very red Felicity. John handed her the card, and Oliver was glad Dig didn't read what he put down: computer hackers.

Surprise, surprise, Oliver picked violent as the topic.

Everyone just said their cards to save time, "My friends," Roy said, everyone glared, "don't deny it," everyone grudgingly accepted it.

Diggle added, "Hand grenades… so useful in Afghanistan."

"Pro wrestling, saw a guy break both of his legs and spline…" Trish shuddered.

"Do I really need to explain my personality?" Jessica asked. Oliver shook his head. Sara also asked the same question with my job and received the same answer.

"You were apart of the Russian Mafia, you should know why I put the mafia." Laurel reasoned; Oliver nodded.

"Caligula made Merlyn and Slade look sane in comparison…" Felicity continued the history lesson but no one was really listening.

"North Korea." Thea said and Oliver instantly gave her the card.

"Well, so far I think I've managed to save my pride." Oliver said in a somewhat happy manor.

Roy pulled a wild card, "I declare the topic is: Oliver!"

"But I'm not an adjective," Oliver tried to sway Roy.

"We can still do it." Everyone else exclaimed.

This was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

 **So, hopefully no one is offended, again I'm apologizing if you were. This was initially a New Year's special, but that didn't really go anywhere except a very drunk Jessica and Felicity… So instead I just did this, since I played Apples to Apples on New Year's.**

 **Happy New Year!**

 **Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **1/3/16**


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